The Knockout

In this unrepentant trio of entries today, I could have added a fourth, which would have been called ‘Riding the Syphilis Pony’ but alas, I think this is enough rubbish for any brain to endure, so perhaps another time. Along with all that other skip-filler I have been meaning to finish, such as the love triangle of my flatmate, a fax machine, and a teasing bitch of a photocopier, and that horoscope I have been meaning to write since December, of course.

Still, one more thing to report, and that is on the most-talked about sporting event since the Grass-Ripping Frolickery Competition on the Queen’s View, a hill to the north of Glasgow. It is, of course, our First Annual Flat Random Knock-Out Competition. It has progressed through many knockout stages, and the Semi-Finals culminated today. In the kitchen, it was Kiran versus the Baking Tray. This particular stage has lasted many days, with an accumulation of points between myself and the Baking Tray, but it gallantly progresses to the final after a 6-0 routing of your pitiful blogger.

In the lounge, meanwhile, the other semi-final progressed with much heated debate from the assembled pundits. Both parties were on triumphant form, having been training for several hours. After a few cautionary words from the referee, they were off. Mojo (my flatmate’s girlfriend) and The Pistachio Nut With No Name tussled for what seemed like hours, with astonished gasps and frantic applause from the assembled, until Mojo won out against the once-animate object (pistachios were a tribe in Venezuela). The Pistachio Nut With No Name sidled off to the side dejected and I will meet it in the 3rd and 4th Place Play-offs next week.

We all look forward to the final, Mojo versus the Baking Tray, with baited breath.